THE BOARD REMEMBERS

This weekend I received a bug report. Since it wouldn't affect the vast majority of players I decided to just go ahead and do absolutely nothing just kidding of course I didn't do that. But fortunately I cut myself off after the bug fix and I'm totally lying again. So enjoy this one, because my weekend went full Darrell and I'm not complaining:

A REAL ENDING

• There's a brand new ending. The previous one felt lackluster. I wanted to make a better one, so I did.
• "Press any key" now means any key or a mouse click, like every game since 1995 (my bad). It also waits a beat, so you can't blow past the good part by accident.

THE DOGS GOT AN OVERHAUL

• Brand new dog art. Full bodies, a little angled, and they actually look at what they're fighting now.
• They bite like they mean it. Every dog has a real bite animation.
• They fight like Darrell now. Every dog attacks in a quick three-bite flurry, and the whole pack goes at once instead of taking turns.
• The baseline damage of all dogs has gone up a bit to make their initial impact more noticeable (and less lonely).
• They also stopped running like some bastard strapped them to a paint shaker. Turns out I had like 5 layers of animation fighting for control. Now calmer, steadier, more dog.

KENNEL REFUNDS

• Every dog you own now has a refund button. Full token back, any time. Picked the wrong dog? Swap it. Try them all. They don't mind. (They do mind a little.)

FIXES

• Older saves that beat the floor 40 guardian before the 7th patch slot existed now get that slot. It'll be there next time you launch.
• Beating the game now properly unlocks all seven patch slots for good.

This may be the last one this weekend, but if anything else breaks or sets me off, we both know what's going to happen.

In the meantime, go break the board.

Darrell's Pack Leader,
Fun Adjacent