Darrell finally learned how RPGs work.
I spent the last few nights trying to figure out why parts of my own game were pissing me off.
Turns out the answer was progression.
The old loop was: Darrell fights for hours, gets exactly zero stronger, then you come home to a pile of copper and do spreadsheet math about FISTS vs BODY vs the patch you actually wanted.
That's not an idle RPG. That's accounting.
Now Darrell fights, and Darrell gets stronger. You decide what kind of Darrell he becomes.
Leave him running and he can actually level, get stronger, and push farther without you.
That's the game. It just took me until 0.2.1 to figure it out.
DARRELL LEVELS UP NOW
XP from every punch. Every hit pays a little, the kill pays the rest. Lose a fight? He still learned something.
Levels raise his stats automatically. More ATK and HP every level, and ATK always goes up by at least 1. No stat allocation, no shopping, no math.
Every 5th level is a MILESTONE. A bigger jump in ATK and HP, plus +2% RAGE and +2% BLOCK. The XP bar lets you know when one is coming.
Every level = 1 Patch Point.
Level-ups actually feel like level-ups now. Fanfare, a LEVEL UP burst showing exactly what you gained, and stats turning gold and ticking up to their new numbers.
Level cap is 50.
Darrell punches shit. Darrell gains experience from punching shit.
I have invented the RPG.
PATCH POINTS REPLACE COPPER
Patches cost Patch Points, not copper. "PP: 3" instead of "26,491c, can I afford this?"
Three trees: OFFENSE / DEFENSE / UTILITY. Your Nth patch from a tree costs N points. Specialize if you want, it just gets pricier. Spread out and it's cheap.
Any patch fits any slot. Build an unkillable pacifist. Build a glass cannon that dies to a rat. Your call.
Refunds are still free and give back every point. Experiment. Nobody's grading you.
PATCH SLOTS
7 slots now, not 6. The fourth boss pays one like every other boss since copper isn't a thing anymore.
Beat the game once and your slots are PERMANENT. Every climb after that starts with all 7, but you'll need to earn PPs and slap patches into them.
You already earned the slots. I'm not taking your shit away.
NEW PATCHES
The Utility tree finally has teeth.
Oooh, Shiny! 1 in 10 enemies spawns gold and is worth 3x XP. You'll know it when you see it.
Fresh Meat The first kill on every floor pays double XP.
Double Tap Kills landed on a RAGE hit pay double XP. Just to be sure.
Hungry Boi Twice the burgers on every floor.
Bottomless Pit Food heals twice as much.
Doggy Bag Every buff lasts twice as long.
Snack Pack Every floor starts with a random buff already running. Take a look:
CHANGED PATCHES
Mugs, Not Hugs Every punch you land pays double XP instead of double copper.
Let It Ride+50% XP on the dangerous lane instead of copper.
Our Time, Down Here / Their Time, Up There Now describe the lanes honestly: harder fights and more XP, or the safe lane with buffs.
Every patch description fits on one line now. Same rules, less reading.
KILLED PATCHES
Money Please, Chesticles, Cellar Door, Where's My Phone.
They were entirely about copper.
Copper's dead.
They know what they did.
GREED vs. GRIND
The fork is now an actual risk/reward decision.
GREED
Harder enemies from deeper in the dungeon. More XP. No buffs.
Might die. Worth it.
GRIND
Normal enemies plus a buff or two waiting in the lane.
Easy shit. Normal XP.
Pick one yourself or patch Darrell to make the decision for you.
THE KENNEL
Posh Darrell sniffs out XP now instead of copper. A steady trickle while you're in the dungeon.
Good boy.
Probably.
GUARDIANS
A Guardian's first kill each climb pays a fat XP bonus. Farming the same boss repeatedly doesn't. Repeat kills pay normal boss XP.
Once your slots are full, bosses pay double first-kill XP instead.
NG+ / CORRUPTION
Levels reset each climb. Your dogs, permanent slots, and Corruption progress don't.
Every climb gets meaner. Each Corruption makes every level cost more XP. A rat is still a rat.
The first climb to Corruption is shorter now. I don't need you grinding for 40 hours before you discover one of the coolest parts of the game.
I want you to rescue your first pup sooner.
Darrell wants you to rescue your first pup sooner.
Neither of us is qualified to care for a dog under the circumstances, but here we are.
GONE
Copper. All of it. Counter, piles, coin sounds, prices. Dead.
FISTS and BODY upgrades, and the Smith. FISTS and BODY had 50 upgrades each. That's 100 fucking upgrades to scroll through for tiny incremental stat gains. Darrell's level does that job now.
Chests, copper piles, floor-clear bonus, lore terminal and merchant cart. They only paid copper or flat stats. The Shrine stays.
The Bestiary. It promised discovery that never happened. Cut.
Turns out deleting stuff can be a feature.
TOWN
Town is just the build now. No shop, no banner. LVL + XP and Patch Points up top, your loadout, then the three trees.
Loadout slots show the patch icon. Hover for what it does. The little X unequips it, so a stray click won't pull a patch.
The top bar makes sense now. HOME on the left (Kennel, Corruption), NEXT RUN on the right in the order you actually do it: pick a layer → autorun → SEND HIM DOWN.
K and C actually work. They were labeled as shortcuts for ages and did absolutely nothing.
My bad.
HUD
LVL + PP sit together at the top, followed by all 7 slots.
A gold XP bar spans the whole screen, MMO-style. Current level on the left, next level on the right, and a NEXT badge showing what the next level gives you.
Milestone coming up? The bar breathes gold, brighter as it fills.
XP numbers fly off the bar as you earn them. Big number on a kill.
The stat panel stopped wiggling every time someone sneezed and dropped its old color coding.
QUALITY OF LIFE
Autorun waits 1:30 now, not 3:00. Still off by default. Turn it on and Darrell goes back down on his own.
Darrell always grabs food now, even while a buff is running. A slice of pizza is a heal, not a buff.
The death/retreat screen shows XP earned and levels gained instead of copper.
YOUR SAVE CARRIES OVER
This is the one most of you wonder why you had to scroll to find out. I'm too tired to reorder these notes. So yeah, most importantly: You are not starting over.
Your old FISTS, BODY and leftover copper convert into a starting level that's at least as strong as the Darrell you had before, in every stat.
You keep your patches, checkpoints, dogs and Corruption progress, plus the appropriate Patch Points for your converted level.
Already beat the game once?
All 7 slots. On the house.
SO, YEAH.
I didn't add gear.
I didn't add crafting.
I didn't add another currency.
Instead, I realized that the guy who spends his entire existence punching monsters should probably gain experience from punching monsters.
So now he does.
Darrell fights.
Darrell levels.
Darrell gets stronger.
You decide what kind of horrible little build he becomes.
It's Early Access. If something's broken, tell me and I'll fix it.
That's how this works.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO PLAY. DARRELL DOES.
And now he actually gets better at it.
Darrell's Fun Uncle,
Fun Adjacent