My name has been redacted for legal reasons. I am a Goblin Demolitionist. And frankly, I am tired of the stereotypes.
People hear “goblin” and suddenly it’s all “unstable”, “dangerous”, “please stop throwing explosives indoors”, "why are you running towards me with a knife", etcetera.
Meanwhile, nobody talks about the real issues facing goblinkind. Like deputies teleporting directly behind you. Or weaponized chain lightning. Or being dissolved by poison bullets fired from a revolver that absolutely should not legally contain that many cursed modifications. It's a safety hazard.
It all comes down to harmful profiling and years of baseless rumours. Goblins collaborate more to the Crypt more than any other creature. Piles of Living Bones keep rattling through the halls, the Beholder scream at everyone nonstop, and those armadillos still haven't solved their anger issues. But somehow, now the deputies are customizing their magazines. And we are their first target.
Explosive rounds. Poison shots. Lightning chains. Ridiculous combinations stacked together into room-clearing nightmares that wipe out entire goblin family trees in seconds.
This used to be a respectable crypt!
We have filed multiple complaints. None have been answered. Instead, more deputies keep arriving, teleporting around rooms and reloading impossible ammunition combinations like this is somehow acceptable workplace behavior.
Frankly, morale has suffered.
The situation continues to deteriorate... And it will get worse.
The GunCrypt demo is coming next week
So if you are prepared to fight for Goblinkind (or against it):
Wishlist Guncrypt. Steam pings you the second the demo's live.
Follow Halfbrick for the rest of what we're up to.
Send it to a friend.
...
Okay. The deputy has left.
Anyway. As I was saying, we must continue working together to improve the situation for goblins everywhere. So next time you see a goblin in the crypt, even if he is rapidly approaching you while holding a knife, please remain calm. Do not panic. Do not immediately start teleporting around the room firing explosive poison lightning ammunition in every direction.
He may simply be trying to express himself.
Or ask for directions.
Or commit a minor robbery.
We do not know.
But we all deserve a chance.
