🌉 Hey there, San-Blockcisco!

📻 Name’s Jeff. Well… “CoRrUpTeD” Jeff, as they call me now. I was asked — “very nicely” — to explain why you should stay away from the Pixelstorm.

☣️ See, I’m an entrepreneur. A businessman. Or an ArMs DeAlEr, as some folks like to say. Point is, people like me tend to see opportunity in every crisis. So when the Pixelstorm appeared in our lovely city, I did what any reasonable professional would do — slipped past the containment line and went in to see if there was anything worth picking up.

💠 Turns out, there was. Near the anomaly, strange things started showing up — Shards of some sort. Peculiar little fragments. Shiny. Valuable. Practically begging to be collected. So, naturally, I grabbed a few. Dozens. Maybe hUnDrEdS. Not that many, really.

😥 Yeah… that was a mistake. These Shards fused with me, and if it wasn’t for the emergency crews, I wouldn’t be here talking to you. I’m still… mostly myself. But now I feel EvErYtHiNg. Hot and cold. Euphoric and miserable. Energized and exhausted. All at once. It’s… kinda AnNoYiNg.

🔫 But hey — silver lining. Some of those Shards fused with my weapon stock as well. And let me tell you, my “babies” came out of that little experiment with some very interesting upgrades. Maybe you’d like to take a look at my updated inventory?..

👀 Right. Sorry. Got carried away.

⚠️ Long story short: stay away from the Pixelstorm. And don’t touch the Shards unless you ReAlLy want to end up like me.

👉 Have a nice apocalypse, folks!