Dear Scholars,
I never thought I would write about anything negative as I am usually all fine and the development of Selenwald is going well.
However, due to the current unusual circumstances I have decided to write this particularly personal entry. I'd want to tell you about the distress I'm in at the moment and about how you can help me make the dark clouds go away.
Those present in our Discord may have noticed I haven't posted much about progress this month. Unfortunately, the reason has been that there just wasn't a whole lot of progress being done during that time. This January was one of the roughest months in my life. Let me tell you about what happened.
Death
First, Tinka—my dear cat—died on January 8th after an almost 3-year long battle with lymphoma. Luckily, despite it being an incredibly painful loss, I've managed to deal with grief relatively quickly. After all, this didn't come with a surprise and I had a very long time to prepare for it. It is impossible to ever be fully ready to lose someone we love but at least a small part of me has accepted this long ago. Still, it took me a week to get back on feet.
Unfortunately, I also fell sick at the exact moment I lost Tinka, probably due to my—usually strong—immune system suddenly giving up due to grief. This will become relevant later on in this story.
Famine
Then, unfortunately it turned out my usual client has completely run out of work for me, which I wasn't quite ready for. I would be if not for my recklessness in pursuing the dream of making Selenwald a reality as soon as possible and constantly living on the edge. But I digress. I've been actively searching for new work ever since but due to the terrible shape the game industry finds itself in currently, it's very hard to find any. On top of that so many people are being laid off every week there's an enormous competition for every scrap of work. Finding freelancing contracts has gotten so hard and unsustainable I decided I'm going to ditch it now after 10 years of doing it and try to find a permanent part time position instead. Freelancing has always been wildly difficult but now it's getting even worse, despite my decent rates. I'm really sick of it now and would love a tiny bit of stability. Alas, finding a part-time job is just as hard as finding freelancing contracts so I'm now also considering full-time positions. Not only that but I'm open even to ones that require relocation to a different country. It's a matter of survival.
Unfortunately, my job hunting has been fruitless so far and I ended up in a terrible financial situation. I barely have enough money to live through the first half of February and even if I eventually find work it will likely take at least a month until I see any money. There's just no time because I need this money now. I have friends whom I can ask to lend me money, but they're not rich and I can't borrow a whole lot so I still need to find work as soon as humanly possible. Otherwise I'll be facing homelessness soon. Even though I'd likely have more than one option of where to temporarily stay if such scenario happened, it would still be a lot of hassle, stress, and wasted time - a major slowdown for Selenwald's development.
Pestilence
All these calamities happening in such a short period have made me experience a panic attack a week and a half ago, first time in my life. It was so bad I decided to call an ambulance, thinking there's something wrong with my heart. Turned out I was all fine and what happened to me was likely caused by stress combined with that infection whose symptoms haven't fully went away by that time. But of course I wasn't in a mental place to fully believe the medics so despite my financial trouble I decided to visit a cardiologist to get thoroughly examined and make sure I'm fine. He confirmed my heart is all well and this was tremendously reassuring. Gave me the peace and the courage I needed to keep looking for work without worrying about my health.
For some reason I still have a cough after almost a month after getting sick (despite having taken medicines) but I'm sure it's nothing serious and will visit my doctor again next week.
Support
With that said, I have no idea what will tomorrow bring. I'm hopeful I will find work soon but there's still so much stress on me at the moment (and pressure to keep applying for jobs) I won't be able to fully resume the work on Selenwald until I know for sure I won't lose the roof over my head or die of hunger.
Thus, I decided to set up a way for you to aid me - something that some Discord members have suggested long ago. If you care to support an indie game developer in his journey to bring you something unique, exceptional, and made with true passion, you can now do so by following the link below:
https://ko-fi.com/wiktorwasowski
I know the community isn't nearly large enough to enable me to live on donations and switch to full time Selenwald development (though it's a nice dream scenario to fantasize about) but at this time of crisis every tiny amount helps. You can also consider sharing this story with someone who may be interested in helping out.
Whether you choose to donate or not, thank you for being with me on this journey, even if you're just a silent observer. Let's hope everything goes back to normal soon.
Thank you for reading,
Wiktor