From: Victor Danilevsky (danilevki_v!MAIL-5601-SilverWing)
Subj: "Equipment for laundry rooms"
Good day Rajesh,
I hope you remember our conversation a couple of months ago when we talked about the cargo truck orders. Didn’t think I would need to remind you about your responsibilities once again!
Raj, laundry room orders from around the Dome have been left untouched for almost two months now. Please fill the outstanding washer and dryer orders or I will personally make sure you'll be washing your own shirts in a bucket until retirement!
Sincerely not yours,
Victor Danilevsky
Senior Supply Department Specialist, Silver Wing
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Attention: recording now! Speak into the microphone, please.
— Adam Rudkovsky, Private, Black Wing. The incident occurred on the F-10-Anchorage site.
— Was Captain Fasmer with you?
— Yes, sir. We descended two floors deeper when it happened.
— I need you to relate all the relevant circumstances and details.
— We lost contact with Fasmer on the second floor. He started to behave oddly, began to twitch like he was drowning and fiddle with his seals... trying to take his helmet off. He screamed something to us, but we couldn’t make out anything sensible over the interference. Then he moved down the corridor and into the hall with the relics, and locked the portal from inside.
— And you haven’t tried to force your way in to save him?
— With respect, are you kidding, sir? Radiation down there reads 400 times normal!
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We agreed with Ginger that whenever we buried a fallen comrade we would place something alongside them in the grave, something that reminded us of them. Not for their sake, of course. For ours. It’s too easy to burn all those bridges, but if we didn’t let go we would need to remember far too many.
Ginger doesn’t know that I got rid of most of our old photos. Of Karma, Max, Alexey. Old Man too (in his favorite camouflage jacket), and others who’ve fallen.
Us, as well. Ginger with her long hair, and myself before it went gray. We’re smiling in every shot. Our clothes were so clean.
I burned the photo album in the field, hurried back to barracks, and went to the bathroom to have a long stare at my own reflection. Damned if I know why.
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Good afternoon, my darlings! This is Richard. Get closer to your screens sweethearts, because I am about to show you something g-r-e-a-t!
Are you ready? ARE YOU READY? I present to you something essential, something you never knew you needed until now: a compact hand dryer! Towels, towels, dirty wet towels! They take up space, they always need washing, they stink of damp and mildew, and quickly wear out. But I’ve got good news, now you can throw those filthy rags away! Get rid of ‘em and make some space for the best miniature dryer in the world!
Call us right now and you will get a genuine space pen specially designed for astronauts as an early bird bonus!
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Hey hey hey! Hello, my darlings! It’s your old friend Richard from Telemarket! Did you know that a housekeeper spends an average of 24 minutes a day washing dishes? That’s more than 11,000 hours in the course of a lifetime! Eleven-goddamned-thousand hours right down the drain along with the dirty water and day-old pizza crusts!
I know exactly what you’re thinking: “My god, Richard, we need to do something about this!” So do it! Call us right now and order a state-of-the-art Atlantic dishwasher! The basic model starts at only 549.99 combonds (delivery service not included).
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We’ve been here almost a week and team morale is at rock bottom. We bypassed every barrier to access the first two floors, and filled up two cars with the documentation we saved. Every time we go up, they check us with the dosimeter.
Everyone is dead certain something very important and dangerous was lost in this bunker, but no one knows what it is. And why is the one undamaged fixture in this entire area the toilet? The rest is in ruins.