Welcome Everyone,
Today I'll tell you more about the most important people of the game: the Gnomes!
As always, I'd like to remind you that the Saturday blog is an extra, dedicated to those who wish to know a little bit more about the world in which the game is set in.
If you are only interested in the mechanics... the correct devblog is the Wednesday one!
With this out of the way, prepare yourself because this is a long one and let's start: I present to you the Kingdom Of Gnomia!
Where is Gnomia?
The Kingdom of Gnomia has never stood out for its strategic position: the gnome nation is, infact, surrounded by bigger, more powerful countries, often more... invasive than other, remote, states.
The Gnomes, often called "the little people" (or "the smallest people", as the Dwarves say), are notoriously peaceful.
The reason? They are awful fighters.
Their technique is... extremely lacking, but they make up for it with their extreme bravery, which is very rarely sufficient.
According to many scholars of the East, this tame nature comes from the land they inhabit: the Fertile Valley, a prosperous region made up of the Dotwoods Land and The Farmrivers, that has always guaranteed plenty of food and little predators.
This is the reason that, many centuries ago, caused their ruin: when Gnomia was a disputed crown among many petty (and small) kingdoms, the Dwarves attacked!
They were attracted by the fertile land, as they came from mountainous, sterile, and wooded regions.
The Dark Years of Slavery
During their time as slaves, Gnomes were forced to work in the iron mines that are scattered in the Contested Mounts, in service of the dwarven Forge Lords.
Their lands also suffered a similiar fate, as they were exploited to the last resource, and every free space was occupied by dwarven military camps, as they feared an invasion from the Holy Human Empire, that at the time was at the peak of its power.
However, as often happens, there is always a dim light at the end of the tunnel.
The First King of All Gnomes
It was Lilfred "the Short", ancestor of the current King Shorty, who first sparked the flame of rebellion.
One day, he stabbed the dwarf guard overseeing his labor group and, wielding pickaxes and shovels, he and a band of brave souls fought their way through the bearded soldiers.
From there, he liberated every slave camp, stole dwarf weapons, and gradually reconquered every kingdom of the Fertile Valley.
It is said that, on the eve of a battle, the dwarves would flee at the mere sight of the silhouette of his extraordinarily long nose.
Some dwarves even started shaving their beards just to run faster!
Thus, at the head of his Nasal Knights, Lilfred faced the dwarf armies in a decisive battle on the banks of a small river that now bears his name, among the Bearded Pines.
In an epic charge, riding his trusty war pony, he pierced Ragnar Warmcloak, son of the legendary Skal the Immortal, breaking the enemy lines and driving the long bearded slavers back into the mountains where the borders between Gnomia and the Dwarven Skaldom remain to this day.
With the dwarves in retreat, Lilfred returned to Lowdon and was crowned King of Gnomia, marking the birth of the First Kingdom to unite all gnomes into a single free nation.
A Nasal Nobility
To this day, Gnomia is ruled by Lilfred’s descendants, and its people live in a feudal society... but with a peculiarly gnomish twist: power is not measured in gold or armies, but in the length of one’s nose.
That’s right, the nose.
A symbol of status and power: the longer it is, the more respected a gnome is.
The roots of this tradition date back to Lilfred’s rebellion, as everyone aspired to have the nose of the First King.
Some even say that the legendary monarch had the longest nose in gnome history, but its true length is known only to his direct descendants, who hide top secret documents somewhere in Lowdon.
Thus, being born with a short nose means dishonor.
Nobles with short noses are immediately disowned and demoted.
They join the House of Curtnose, a surname that says it all.
The Tragic Revolt of Robin Curtnose
A prime example is the tale of Robin Curtnose, son of King Miniarthur II, born with a distinctly unroyal nose.
The King tried to hide him for years, but one day Robin escaped from the rooms where he had been confined, and the entire court discovered his secret.
The reason for his escape remains officially unknown, though rumor has it that he was desperately searching for a toilet after eating a fish pie for the first time, a dish that was, coincidentally, banned from the royal kitchens shortly thereafter.
Alas, Robin was exiled, though his mother, who was said to have great affection for her unfortunate son, sent him to a farm run by a respectable family who didn’t care about nose length.
Nevertheless, sources say Robin grew bitter and, at the age of 25 (the age of majority for the Gnomes), decided to rebel against his fate and his father.
He gathered all the Curtnoses in the Kingdom to lead a grand uprising, even comparing himself to Lilfred the Short.
But his nose continued to haunt him.
He traveled from village to village, trying in vain to gain support from blacksmiths and nobles, but everywhere they went, they were met only with slammed doors and unstoppable laughter.
Eventually, they marched against the King, armed only with pitchforks and vain hope.
Yet even at dawn, as the battle began, the royal soldiers burst into laughter at the sight of them, so much so that they turned back from the battlefield.
Chroniclers of the time reported that they were too amused to fight.
Upon witnessing this, the entire rebel army deserted.
Robin, left alone, charged at the royal army.
He managed to kill only one soldier, named Robert Longnose, before being pierced in the heart by an arrow.
Some say it was King Miniarthur II himself who shot it, too embarrassed by his own bloodline... but no solid evidence exists.
The deserters scattered: some returned to their humble lives in silence, ashamed every time they met the mocking gaze of their fellow gnomes.
Others fled to the Strip of Nothingness, where they founded the city of Nosebury.
To this day, it remains a haven for all those unfortunate gnomes born with short noses, outcasts often drawn to dark arts...
(The nose you see is a magical illusion).
Even Monsters Have Noses!
The cult of the nose has even inspired local legends.
In Squatness, there's talk of a strange seabird that occasionally surfaces from the Holy Lake of the Nagas.
At first, no one believed it, until an anonymous gnome artist drew the creature with an extraordinarily long nose.
Ever since, people have flocked to Squatness hoping to catch a glimpse of the mythical beast.
(Some say that "nose" is actually a giant horn, poorly drawn by the embarrassed artist who chose to remain anonymous. But until someone captures it, the mystery lives on...)
The Tower
Lastly, let me tell you about the Tower, the setting of the game.
Initially built of wood as a northern border outpost by King Shorty's father, the late King Lilfred IX, it was meant to aid the gnome patrols guarding the frontier.
But after the king’s death, his son, King Shorty, decided to complete the construction with stone, to prove he was wiser than his father.
He followed the advice of his elderly aunt, a member of his private council... and squandered the kingdom’s treasury on a tower that was, in the end, abandoned.
No garrison. No purpose.
King Shorty recalled the troops to guard only the city of Lowdon after raising taxes for his wedding.
Some say the tower was built atop an ancient burial ground where a powerful human sorcerer once dabbled in forbidden magic.
Who knows, perhaps there's truth in those claims.
Only by playing the game you will discover the truth.
Conclusion
And with that, I conclude this deep dive into the world of the Gnomes.
I hope you enjoyed it!
If you made it this far, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
See you next week when we’ll talk about the serpentine Nagas!
Have a great weekend!
-Giuseppe