Jessica Lee: Just... "B"? That's not short for anything?
B: Oh, it is!
JL: Great! What's your full name, then?
B: B-yootiful.
JL: (Sigh) Right. Well, I'm glad to see you came dressed professionally, at least.
B: Well, of course! I have to look my best for the interview.
Stage Manager: And we're on in five... four... three...
B: Why don't they ever say the last two?
JL: Good even--
B: (Cutting in) Good evening, Baltimore! I'm here with our guest Jessica Lee to talk about the upcoming game, Mythos. Thanks for coming in, Jessica.
JL: (Staring dumbfounded)
B: (Unperturbed) Great! So, what can you tell me about your role in Mythos?
JL: (Attempting to recover, putting on a far-too-wide smile) Haha... ladies and gentlemen, introducing B - one of the main cast from the upcoming game Mythos!
B: "One of the main cast," she says! Girl, I am Mythos! The game wouldn't exist without me, ya know!
JL: Is that so? What makes you so central to the story?
B: Oh, there's so many reasons, Jessie! Can I call you Jessie? You let Tara do it.
JL: I did not.
B: Thanks, Jessie. So my part in Mythos? I'm the sexiest, the funniest, the smartest, the blue-est. The game's like... stupid-boring without me in it. You think people would wanna play a game with nothing but Sophia in it? She's about as interesting as wet parchment!
JL: I see, but that doesn't really explain your role in the game.
B: I'm gettin' there, zammit! (Looking right into the camera) Check out April O'Neil over here tryin' to be all "investigative." My role is to be what's needed, when it's needed, and where it's needed. Does Ky need some faces punched? I'll be a punch-o-matic! Set things on fire? Hooo-DOGGIE, will I set some s*** on fire! If Ky needs to know something, I'm there and I know it.
JL: Well, hold on a second there, B! Sophia was on last week - as you know - and she claimed that her role in the story was to be an information dispenser.
B: (Rolling her eyes) Uuuugh, Sophia. Yeah fine, I guess she does know stuff. But she'll all mysterious and obtuse about it. Nah, dawg - I just come out and say it. She's like me, but boring and without the other stuff. I'm way more shocking.
JL: So, judging by last week, it looks like you and Sophia have some sort of rocky past together?
B: Dude, okay. So like I'm cool with Sophia! I really am! But like... a long-ass time ago, when we were younger, there were some cliques. You know how it goes, right? And like... the popular one in my clique did something to piss off her clique, and so she just hates me by extension. I haven't done a damned thing to her! Salty bitch.
JL: So you'd say this conflict is one-sided?
B: I mean... kinda. Like I don't have a problem with her, but it's really fun to mess with her too, you know? Nobody gets her upset the way I do, so I gotta take advantage of that, you know?
JL: I see. Do you have any other relationships with the cast like that?
B: Nah, just Sophia, really. I actually screwed around with Monica before, but she has no idea who I am. Pretty funny, really. She's even more uptight than Sophia.
JL: (More interested) Monica? This is the first time any of you have really mentioned Monica, and her preview text is... well, there isn't any. How do you connect to her?
B: Ah... I... wouldn't say it's a connection so much, as it's a burning need to watch her get pissed off. Let's just say she takes her job way too seriously.
JL: Right; do you have a job? All the other characters seem to have some sort of employment, but it seems that you just sort of... "hang out"?
B: Er... well... I guess I'm what you could call "asset rich, cash poor"...
JL: So you're broke and jobless.
B: Basically, yeah. But I got a bunch of cool stuff! Like this necklace.
JL: ... that's my necklace! I haven't seen that since last week!
B: Pretty sure it's my necklace. And hey, who's the one running this interview, anyway?
JL: Me!!!
B: Aw, damn, you right.
JL: Make sure to give me that back after the interview.
B: (Nasally voice) Absolutelyyyyyy...
JL: Now, what is your relationship with the main ch--
B: Well, folks, that's all the time we have for tonight! Tune i--
JL: No! This is not your interview! You can't say when we're out of... (Looking off-camera) Oh. Oh, we are out of time? Right.
B: Told ya so, bitch!
JL: (Ignoring B) Tune in next week, for a hopefully more normal interview with... (Squinting at the teleprompter, then slowly looking crestfallen) ... Rain... Sunbeam...
B: Whoo-hooo! Rain! She's freakin' hot.
JL: I'm... sure she is. So be sure to tune in next week! I'm Jessica Lee with WETT, reminding you to keep the legends alive!
Stage Manger: And we're clear!
JL: Okay, give me my fucking necklace, you crazy bitch!
B: Hey! Language!!! (Already running away)
JL: God dammit... where is security, anyway!?!
B: (Shouting as she darts out the door) Probably watching for Tara!!!