Diary of a Builder - Part 1
May 10, 1993 - Hanging a Picture on the Wall
It was a quick job. The client bought an expensive painting from a gallery and wanted it hung in the kitchen above the table. I guess they wanted to admire it while eating meatballs - who knows? No problem. Drill holes for two anchors, add screws, and presto! It’s up there, picture-perfect. Well, it’s painted, so it should be. It’s not super straight, but who cares about details? I must confess, dear diary, I drilled about a dozen holes. Why? I had a few beers, and my hand was shaking. No big deal - I just covered it with the painting, and no one can tell.
July 29, 1993 - Patching and Painting the Hallway
- 10:00 AM: Alright, this one took some effort. The holes were so big they practically went through to the neighbor's place. But no worries - there was some leftover filler from a previous job. It was still wet, so it worked fine for patching.
- 10:05 AM: Okay, diary, I was wrong - it was only enough for one hole. Did I buy more filler? Of course not. Nothing was on sale, so I just painted over it. That idiot won’t even notice.
- 10:15 AM: Damn, he noticed. I forgot he was in the next room, watching me work. He kicked me out and didn’t pay a dime.
July 30, 1993
The best part: Stanley called me, said he patched the holes himself, and wanted a blue wall with a black cat painted on it. I was still hungover - or maybe even from two days ago. That Russian vodka hits harder and lingers longer every time.
Anyway, back to work. First, I painted the whole wall black, then carefully taped out the shape of the cat, and painted everything blue over it. The guy was thrilled.
September 16, 1993 - Laying Tiles
A full bathroom renovation means tiling. First, you put on the tile adhesive - but not too much, because you need some for another job. Then, you lay the tiles, usually light-colored ones, because bathrooms should be bright. Plus, the store mostly carries light tiles, so no one notices the difference.
Be careful with the adhesive - if it’s too thin, the tiles might fall off. That’s when duct tape saves the day. It holds everything while the adhesive dries, though the client will have to remove it later. If the tiles fall off, it’s on them. My guarantee ends at the door.
Corners can be tricky. When a whole tile doesn’t fit, you have to cut it. Mark the line with a pencil, take it to the cutting table, and follow it as closely as possible with the grinder. Always keep the scraps - either stick them somewhere or sell them later.
Note for Future Reference - FOR PICKY CLIENTS
Sometimes you get a client who checks if the tiles are straight or if everything’s measured correctly. Instead of enjoying a drink or doing something useful, they focus on nonsense. But they’re paying, so they have the right to nitpick. In those cases, a tape measure and a level are your best friends. Instead of being off by a meter, you’re only off by half a meter. I don’t think I’ve ever been so precise.
Cleaning Up After the Job - How to Do It Right
There’s always something left behind - a paint can, a box of tiles, or a broken tool. A proper builder keeps things tidy by taking trash to the dumpster four floors down. And if there’s no elevator, you carry it all down the stairs... Or maybe not. I’m not that thorough. Sweeping trash behind the furniture or under the table works just as well. Or toss it out the window and hope it lands in the bin - not on my car.
Speaking of cleaning, rugs are a builder’s best friend - or at least their feet’s best friend. Instead of making five trips to the dumpster for dust and debris, just sweep it under the rug. Quick sweep, roll it up, unroll it - done. Guests who don’t take off their shoes will grind the dirt into the rug anyway. Why clean twice when you can clean once - later?
That’s it for now. Off to grab another bee... - uh, I mean job. I’ll write about it later.