Danny Smiles
(Pictured: Danny with his finest grin and mascara)
Danny Smiles is what happens when you take a man at the end of his rope and offer him a way out. Unfortunately, the “way out” in this case was a crazed biologist armed with counterfeit stem cells and hundreds of teeth. Now, cursed with an infestation of permanently regenerating chompers, Danny does the only thing he can do: smile through the pain. This has driven him to madness, and now he desires that everyone else be forced into a similar Cheshire existence. By launching toothy projectiles at your purdy little mouth, Danny is what every Human Resources department yearns to be: an unceasing smile of infectious damnation.
His presence is an affront to God, dentists, and religious teeth-enjoyers all over the world. As a direct result, the fabric of reality is unweaving - you've literally never seen Pennylooter like this. Smile and wave, boys.
New Starting Items
Bubble
(Pictured: Jeffrey Bobbles’ bubbles bopping)
Danny Smiles HATES bubbles. Since he can't curve his lips, he can't blow any, and we all fear that which we cannot create. This rage has caused such an influx of energy that it has summoned a pack of wild Anti-Smile bubbles. They hate Danny because they can't smile. You hate Danny because you will never be as handsome as he is. It's a perfect match.
You can now start the game with one of these boisterous orbitals to begin unleashing waves of soapy projectiles.
Bee
This isn't the bee you see gallivanting around on the back of honey bottles, laughing like a hyena, as if there isn't a care to be had in this wretched world. This is a Penny Bee. Penny Bees do not make honey - they do not collect pollen - they do not care about flowers. They are carnivorous insects and demand living flesh as their sole source of nutrients. Now YOU can wield these mistakes of God as a starting item. Become the hive! Just remember: the Penny Bees call the shots. They pick their targets on their own. You are but a medium by which they will paint destruction.
Penny Bees were thought to be extinct after the Penny of 1816 was minted, which caused untold destruction to 107% of the world. However, Danny Smiles' reality warping nature has brought them back.
Other New Items
Radioactive Octopus
“But I'm not sure what to say about the tentacles, boss.” A gun clicks as it's pressed into the writer's back. “I didn't ask if you had anything to say about the tentacles. I told you to write something about them,” croaked The Developer, in a cold, crispy tone. “Tell them that they are unlocked at wave 30. And make it sound cool,” he slurped.
The tentacles are unlocked at wave 30. They are UNBELIEVABLY stylish and might be the single greatest addition to any video game ever. With these bad boys, your ability to reach out and touch someone will be not only be stronger than ever - it'll be deadly, dealing damage in a constant line. Each Radioactive Octopus adds a new appendage, for a maximum of 16. How exactly do the tentacles deal damage? Well, it's kind of like how your bad attitude makes me want to collapse onto the ground like a sack of potatoes and sob, “why God? Why do they question the patch notes?”
Musket
(Pictured: my son, third birthday, with his prized musket)
Another temporal anomaly spawned by Mr. Smiles and his bizarre ontology, this musket's musk must be something fierce. This muzzle-loaded menace could tear a hole the size of the milky way through the whimsical forces you mercilessly slaughter for pennies, but be warned: your stubby little arms will take ages to reload this museum piece.
Order Form
Don't you hate it when you go to the shop, only to find that they have plenty of Steroids, but not a single octopus? It's why I stopped shopping at Whole Foods. Fortunately, we have decided to inject a healthy dose of entrepreneurship into Pennylooter. Once you establish yourself as a consistent customer (meaning: you unlock the Businessperson achievement by buying and selling 1000 items), order forms will be unlocked. Use one, and your favorite shop will now stock one additional item. Use a million, and you'll accomplish very little as a result because there aren't a million items in the game, but I'll respect the hustle.
Stem Cells
I know what you must be thinking: “Are these the same stem cells that made Danny so attractive?” The answer is a resounding “no”, because you will never be that cool. But you can swallow these for a small damage up, like a deranged, power-hungry toddler.
New UI
I used to look at the menus in this game and feel sick. Blue menu backgrounds? Hard corners? Buttons full of shame? 2024 is 2020-over, and we've changed - we promise! These menus are sleek, they're spectacular, and they're specifically designed to taste good with all of your favorite foods. If this doesn't please you, nothing ever will, and you will lose yourself in a quest of endless yearning.
Smaller Changes
- Item unlocks are now permanent, and some items are now unlocked by getting achievements.
- New Item Catalogue menu that shows the items that you've unlocked (accessible from the stats menu).
- There's now a 50% chance that a random item in the shop will be discounted from between 25% and 90%, and a 2% chance that an item will be 100% off (free).
- Armor items will now appear under the apparel tab in the inventory and shop.
- The boat will now appear under the misc tab in the inventory and shop.
- The shop arrow is now hidden during combat.
- Chance to spawn Altars will not start incrementing until after wave 5.
- Lowered chance for Lieutenant Timmy's soldiers to drop their armor/weapons.
- Increased shop spawn rate.
- The strength of gamepad vibration when taking damage will now increase as the player's HP gets closer to zero.
- Reduced the amount of bananas and apples that can appear in the shop.
- Added a visual effect after using Steroids.
- Increased Rocked Launcher damage.
- Explosions have a bigger hitbox now.
- Cyclops Eye can be unlocked by killing 100 Cyclopes.
- Chef Pete no longer drops Chef's Hat when killed, but it can be unlocked for purchase in the shop by defeating Chef Pete 5 times.
- Added a stat that tracks how many items the player has unlocked.
- Increased the amount of coins that are dropped in normal difficulty.
- Rebalanced shop spawn chances.
- Damage indicators are now purple on critical hits.
- Shopkeep's Heart now unlocks at wave 48.
Fixed:
- Audio didn't work with certain models of gaming headsets.
- A bug that caused the enemy spawn cooldown to slowly count down in the shop and when the game was paused.
- Blood Gun didn't have a description.
- Various UI bugs.
- A bug that allowed the enemy cooldown to be skipped during boss fights.