Dear students and concerned parents,
The school board does not condone violence. However, we are pleased that our students are trying to control themselves and take out their irrepressible energy only on surrounding objects. This is still quite expensive entertainment for your parents, so here are a couple of tips for surviving difficult situations!
- Firstly, you can run away from any danger. The faster you do, while weaving between objects, the easier it will be to break away from your pursuer. You only have enough strength for a slight increase in acceleration, so use it wisely.
- As soon as you're away from a threat, hide. The easiest option is to crawl underneath a table or hide behind furniture. You can also climb into a closet, but only if you have enough agility. Try not to breathe heavily, pray out loud or record a commentary video. Just wait until the threat has passed.
- Use any items at your disposal! The best option is empty boxes, because they can temporarily disorient the villain, giving you the opportunity to run away. If you don't have a box at hand, you can use any household item that you can throw well enough. Please avoid using any sharp objects in case the pursuer is a member of staff.
That's all for this week. As soon as Mr. Hyde returns from his forced sick leave, we can conduct a full-fledged safety training. He volunteered for it, so you bet we are excited!
See you soon at the creepy school,
Gravewood High School Board