Greetings, Terranoid scum!
It is I, Vvalak Lizardtongue. I have a very important announcement to make, so kindly shut up and stare at your screen.
I am FULLY AND TOTALLY DESTROYING YOUR STUPID, HORRIBLE PLANET LATER THIS YEAR.
No really, I am going to make you very, very dead. Milky will help too; she is very clever for a literal floating container of milk. I will whizz over to Earth, turn it into a stinking pile of rubble, and be back home in time for a warm glass of milk before bed. My bedroom is the one at the very top of the big spire, you know.
Stand by for my glorious rise to power, my definitely accidental surrender to you Terranoids, and my infamous revenge against Earth and everything it stands for. It’ll be a whirlwind. You’ll love it... and then you’ll be dead. But not before doing some clicking and pointing! For hours! MWAHAHAHAA.
It says here I am meant to tell you about some British comedy royalty who are involved somehow, but I’m not writing all that, so here’s a picture instead:
Great! Glad we’ve got all that covered. Brilliant. Let’s catch up soon so you can die and I can go on being the most important person in the universe. Which I am. Obviously.
Vvalak signing off.