Thank You!
Thank you for your reservation! You are about embark on a vacation for a life time!
Somewhere Land Resort only cares about YOUR satisfaction! Please, before your trip, read about our wonderful attractions and amenities below.
Spectacular Shopping for your Armanent Needs
Dyson City Armanents provides the best firearms and weapons Somewhere Land has to offer!
After a relaxing day on the beach, perhaps you would like to shop for your new favorite weapon for self defense against those pesky locals!
10 of our newest weapons are available to ALL of our guests! Here is a taste...
The long rifle is a burst fire rifle, capable of taking out enemies from a far with a rapid fire capability!
The boomerang is an exotic oddity of a weapon, and always returns to its user when thrown!
However if you don't catch it when it returns.. well, lets just say resort staff are not resonsible for ANY casualities that happen from self-boomerang accidents.
Chances to win Golden Tickets
If you ever thought your favorite weapon ever needed a little pizzaz, enter our sweepstakes to win golden tickets!
What are golden tickets you ask?
If you thought the old, obsolete system of a random golden weapon was frustrating, then fear not, our new revamped system will let you, our precious guest, choose what golden weapon you unlock!
Golden tickets can be won with a 14% chance after leveling up! So if you win one, your weapon of choice will be quite a rarity...
Guests who are visiting our resort for free will be able to earn these tickets as much as the premium members!
When you posess one or more golden tickets, head over to your weapons unlock screen to make your choice.
Weapon unlock of current guest censored. We care about guest privacy at Somewhereland Resorts!
New, exciting locale!
Get a tour to our newest location, The Man's Throne Room!
The Man is our peoples' largest threat to existence, but that won't stop us from profiting off of his place of residence!
Explore the evil magician's home, with disturbing torture chambers and large statues dedicated to his evil presence!
Fun and games!
Take part of the new and improved Survival mode! Feel like the heroes of USC by battling against the forces of evil!
Survive wave after wave of The Man's minions, based from past experiences of USC fabled hero, Boring Man! The further you get, the enemies get tougher...
Find treasure to boost your abilities! Sometimes they even carry our valuable golden tickets.... but only if you're an experienced, regular guest and have a level over 80!
Alcohol and smokes can make your character do more damage, run faster, and have wacky abilities! You can check what items you have any time you want...
Collecting multiple of the same item can stack! So having 2 bottles of Ale can increase your damage by 4.
On occasion, stronger staff members will jump into your match and try to put you under control if you're too good and need to be stopped!
An Important Apology from resort CEO, Spasman
Guests,
I regret to inform ALL of our guests the following information. Here at resort Le Somewhereland, we keep our inner workings transparent and keep you, the valued guest informed!
All future guests that attend our resort will need to have their progress reset.
Yes, your save file will be wiped, but it will happen to everyone! So think of it as a fresh start instead of starting over.
Experienced guests have nothing to learn from bots, zombie AI and survival enemies. When you reach level 80, you will no longer gain XP from our staff members! You will only be able to get XP from, ahem, "interacting" with the other guests!
So get out there and socialize!
For those certain guests out and about looking to do some, uhm, "business" with me, you can now encounter me in Survival mode! It's totally me, I swear. Not a robot.
Lastly, resort maintenence is still going on, but you can expect to see our new faculties to open up before August!
Thank you to all guests, current and shopping! What you have just read is merely a taste.. remember to check the change log when its released! Please consider coming to our resort, or coming back on your next planned holiday.
- Spasman, CEO