I’m sure you, a genius much like myself, have often looked at chess and thought “This is an idiot’s game for babies, fools, and foolish baby idiots.” I’m sure you, a genius much like myself, will therefore be thrilled to see the launch of 5D Chess With Multiverse Time Travel. And you, a genius much like myself, will be only too keen to play chess across extra “spatial, temporal, and parallel dimensions”. You, a genius much like myself, certainly will not read the marketing boast “It’s the first ever chess variant with multiverse time travel!” and groan OH GOD HELP.