What's up,
Dear friends, do you remember the fairy tale of the three pigs hiding from the scurrying wolf? In our tale the roles are somewhat reversed. Why just a little? Because while the piglets have been given the status of persecutors, the wolf will not play the victim. That role has been given to the humans. Now the pigs are the oppressors, because, as the saying goes: where there's meat, there's a party!
In that case, where do you get these humans for slaughter? Where do they hide, how do you hunt them and how do you choose the perfect, juiciest one? Today I'm going to give you some real treats that will put all your doubts to rest. After all, everyone has been dreaming of their own professional butchery since piglethood.
Little human, little human let me in
Every young piglet wonders where the meat comes from. From a young age, they hear legends of bloodthirsty humans lurking in the depths of the surrounding waters. There is some truth to this, as the goons are fished out of the river. However, most of them are not dangerous beasts, but rather silly creatures, and it takes some effort to pull one out. But what's not to be done for juicy legs for dinner, right?
Tasty meat is key
It is not at all necessary to eat a captured individual immediately. You can enslave it, stuff it full of antibiotics and hope it reproduces. Before we move on to choosing the right breeder, you need to know which humans are the tastiest. The answer is simple: those that are well cared for and well fed; after all, no one wants to eat just the skin alone (although the skin properly fried is really delicious). Well-bred ones are easier to handle, the meat just falls off the bone on its own! There is just one small problem: space on the farm is limited.
Build a slaughter empire
At this point you should ask yourself if you are able to dedicate your entire pig life to becoming the number one butcher in the area. What type of farming will you choose? Will you opt for the convenience of cage farming and go mass production? Or will you go for the juicy free-range humans? The choice is yours, but remember - quality and splendour count. After all, you want to be better than the hated neighbour who drives the latest BMW to pick up hot dogs from the Welmart.
The life of a butcher is not a bed of roses. Especially the lack of opposable thumbs can be a bit of a handicap. But nothing is impossible for pigs, especially when we are driven by the desire to take revenge on a vicious neighbour. So get to work, humans will not skin themselves!
Enjoy your meal, oink oink.
